Dum Spiro Spero

Dum Spiro Spero.

While I breathe, I hope.

~ South Carolina, State Motto

In Bishopville, South Carolina resides an unlikely gardener. No, not just a gardener. An artist.

Pearl Fryar did not have a background in horticulture.

He was the son of a cotton sharecropper.

He didn’t have the best material.

He salvaged plants that had been thrown on the scrap pile in the back of the local nursery.

He had no formal training in creating topiaries.

Although he did have a 3-minute demonstration once.

He didn’t have community support.

When he moved to Bishopville, one white neighborhood wouldn’t welcome him because they said he wouldn’t keep up his yard.

He didn’t let obstacles stop him.

He showed them by winning the “Yard of the Month” award from the Bishopville Iris Garden Club.

Pearl had a dream. And what he created is a three-acre sculpted garden that will take your breath away. Pearl explains:

“Gardening books will tell you that some of these things in my garden can’t be done, but I had never read them when I got started.

Not knowing ahead of time that something is supposed to be impossible often makes it possible to achieve.

I didn’t have any limitations because I really didn’t know anything about horticulture. I just figured I could do whatever I wanted with any plant I had.”

Of course, it wasn’t always easy for Pearl. He knows what it’s like to be poor.

Be shunned.

Be without.

He asks, “When the going gets tough, what will you do?”  His answer, “Well, you don’t let the obstacles determine where you’re going to go.”

Truer words have never been spoken.

Pearl’s ability to do a common task in an uncommon way has put the tiny town of Bishopville on the map. He’s been featured in the New York Times, CBS, PBS, and in many other outlets. His work is showcased throughout the state. Tour buses pull up to his home. Few serious gardeners haven’t heard his name.  He uses his fame to encourage and influence young people to fulfill their potential.

Pearl set his own course, followed his dream, and never let the obstacles determine where he was going.

If Pearl could do it, why not you?

Whatever you are, be a good one!

Deanna

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You Don’t Have To Be The Best

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.
~ Theodore Roosevelt

It seems everyone wants to know the secret to success these days.

There are seminars and webinars, books and CDs, late night infomercials and full-length videos touting the latest millionaire’s “10 Steps to This” or “5 Principles of That.”

But what if it were much simpler than all of that?  What if life truly were like the Kentucky Derby?

Think about what it takes to win:  The right choices — a lot of hard work, training, planning, determination — luck.

That’s right — luck — defined as what happens when preparation meets opportunity [Seneca].

Todd Pletcher, trainer of this year’s Derby Winner Super Saver, says, “It takes the right horse on the right day. On any given Derby day, the best horse can lose.”

And Pletcher should know.  Over the course of a decade, with 24 starters, the Kentucky Derby win eluded him until this year.

“You would like to say you need the best horse, but in this particular race I don’t think that is necessarily the case,” Pletcher says. “When you look at surprises like Giacomo (50-1, 2005) and Mine That Bird (50-1, 2009), they haven’t proven to consistently be the best horse but the horse who ran the best race on the right day.“

As I was thinking about this story of a trainer who worked tirelessly for more than a decade before his dream was realized, I collected some life lessons:

• You don’t have to be the best at what you do to win.
  • “You have to run the best race on the right day.”
    
• You have to be determined, be ready, and show up.
  • “Obviously, the horse had all the tools to get it done,” Pletcher says. “But you’ve got to show up on the day.”
    
• You have to be in the right race.
  • “Certain horses might show up in the wrong Derby. You might have a horse with natural speed who gets involved in a hot pace. You might have horses who are deep closers who don’t have enough pace.”
    
• Maintain grace under pressure.
  • Jockey Calvin Borel shares what it takes to win: “Calm, cool, collected, a lot of luck and you just hope the good Lord is on your side.”
    
• Enjoy the journey.
  • Owner Robert LaPenta, knowing that the percentages typically add up to defeat says, “Enjoy the ride. Very few people get to take it.”

Are you running the right race? If you are, run it until you win. Today could be the day it all comes together and you take home the trophy. But you won’t know unless you show up and give it your best.

And if you don’t win?

Take the advice of Mary Anne Radmacher, “Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow.”

Whatever you are, get in the race and enjoy the ride!

Deanna

PS: Check out the entire story, Kentucky Derby represents a humbling, challenging race, by Tom Pedulla.

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You Always Have a Choice

A while back, I caught a show on television about women who had been born with severe disabilities.  One person was not just missing a limb, she was missing the entire lower half of her body.  During the interview she said:

I learned I wasn’t going to be perfect,
so I decided to love myself, with all my faults.

Another wasn’t born with an extra digit on her finger, she arrived in this world connected to her conjoined twin at the skull. She said:

Live life to the fullest.
Love what you do.

I was floored by their comments!  How do individuals living with such permanent and crippling disabilities maintain a positive outlook?

I wondered if it was an act. But as I continued to watch I saw people who, day in and day out, were not only able to accept who they were but actually looked for ways to help others and enjoy life.

How is it, then, there are so many of us with complete bodies who are struggling to maintain an upright position as the storms of life flail against us?

Doesn’t it all come down to the choices you are willing to make? On a daily basis. Today. Tomorrow. Every day.

Choices to accept the hand that has been dealt, forge ahead through the pain and disappointment, and create a future you want.

Or choices to lay in bed, fearful to face the day, using your “disability” as an excuse to play the victim.

Let’s face it — everyone has a disability of some sort of another.

Your body may be healthy, but you may be suffering from a severely deformed self-image or missing most of your self-confidence.

We’re all living with some type of handicap — it’s just that physical weaknesses are easier to see.  As the women in the documentary revealed, the magical truth is that your situation is only a limitation if you choose to make it one.

You have a choice.

Live or die.

Every breath is a choice.

Every minute is a choice.

To be or not to be.

~ Chuck Palahniuk

Whatever you are, live life to the fullest.

Deanna

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Watch out for that pothole!

Mother Nature seems to be in a bit of personal crises. The weather is warming and cooling. Freezing and thawing.

One minute bright sunshine, the next severe winter weather is breathing down your neck.

Rain. Snow. Black Ice. Sleet. Sludge. Mud. Freezing Fog.  The weather people show maps lit up like the aurora borealis.

So happy that they are finally able to use all of their fancy schmancy technology to describe what is happening or going to happen or what just happened.

With all of this weather, one thing is for certain: potholes!  They appear like magic.  One day your commute is smooth and calm.  The next day, attentive drivers must swerve to miss a gaping hole in the pavement.  (Unlucky drivers, not able to see disaster looming ahead, are treated to a body-jarring jolt.)

Encounter a sufficient number of potholes, and your car is going to need an alignment to put everything back in proper place. That’s how potholes work — for the unprepared, the unsuspecting, the inattentive, they can be disasterous.

I saw a sign at an auto garage the other day that said, “Need a front end alignment?”  I was immediately struck by how many people need an alignment to their attitude.  Oh, that we could just drive up to a garage and order an attitude adjustment.

You know how it is.  You’re going along, singing your song, birds are singing, things are fine and then suddenly you encounter a pothole!

“Whew!” you think, as you safely swerve around it. “Glad I avoided that disaster.”

But before long, as is often the case, you fall victim to a circumstance of some type or another. Something you had little, if any, control over.   If you’re not diligent, life’s potholes can negatively affect your attitude.  And if that happens — watch out — you’re going to need an alignment!

Often, it’s not the huge things that get to us. No, we see those coming and we’re able to prepare to face them head on.

What we have to guard against are the small, seemingly insignificant problems we encounter every day as we go about our business. Those are the things that slowly get us off track  — little by little — until one day, we wake up to discover our attitude needs a serious alignment.

Be attentive. Watch where you’re going. Don’t fall prey to the little challenges you encounter daily. For if you’re not careful, they will combine into a large, seemingly insurmountable obstacle.  As Ralph J. Bunche said,

You can surmount the obstacles in your path if you are determined, courageous and hard-working.

Never be fainthearted. Be resolute, but never bitter . . .

Permit no one to dissuade you from pursuing the goals you set for yourselves.

Do not fear to pioneer, to venture down new paths of endeavor.

Whatever you are, watch out for the potholes in your path!

Deanna

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You Must

If there is one door in the castle you have been told not to go through, you must.

Otherwise, you’ll just be rearranging furniture in the rooms you’ve already been in” [Anne Lamott].

If you follow my writing, you know how strongly I advocate that you push the envelope, open the door, and put  it on the line when it comes to going after your dreams and reaching your destiny.

I’ve said it one way or another over the months, and I still believe that until you ask the question, the answer is no.  Gather up your courage and ask for what you want. What could it hurt?

Recently, however, I was reminded of the small-minded people, weak leaders, and unhappy individuals who are offended that you would even consider posing the question.

Sometimes these dream haters, motivated by their own insecurity, even attempt to keep you from asking.  So concerned with making waves (convinced any disturbance may result in a tsunami that would destroy their little kingdom), they are reluctant to hear your question.

Their own fear and jealousy causes them to bite and snipe at your courage, mock your vision, and stomp on your efforts.

Don’t you dare let small minds silence your voice or hinder your efforts!

You must not sit quietly while they decide your future.
You must not wait for them to tell you which doors you may or may not open.
You must continue to act and to ask the questions.
To press for the answers you want.
To keep playing until you win.

“Life is constantly testing us for our level of commitment, and life’s greatest rewards are reserved for those who demonstrate a never-ending commitment to act until they achieve.

“This level of resolve can move mountains, but it must be constant and consistent. As simplistic as this may sound, it is still the common denominator separating those who live their dreams from those who live in regret” [Anthony Robbins].

Raise your hand. Ask the question. Open the door. Take persistent action. You must not let their fear define your future.

Whatever you are, be a good one!

Deanna

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The Average Person

The average man doesn’t want to be free.

He wants to be safe” [Henry Louis Mencken].

What do you really want? Are you committed to pursuing it?

When you stray off the beaten path in pursuit of a road less traveled . . . when you select a course of action that makes others uncomfortable . . . when you forego safety for freedom . . . when you choose significance over average . . . when you step over the line of common in pursuit of excellence . . .

. . . people will talk. Oh, how they’ll talk.

At your age?

What makes you think it will work this time?

You don’t have a clue of what it will take.

My neighbor tried that and nearly went bankrupted.

No one would ever buy anything like that.

Do you know how long it will take?

Been there. Done that. Got the t-shirt. Not worth it.

Seriously?

There’s no money.

Don’t waste your time.

Are you a fighter or an average person? If you want to achieve great things, you must have the self-confidence of a warrior and be willing to stand your ground when others attempt to defeat you with their fear.

Nothing average ever stood as a monument to progress.
When progress is looking for a partner, it doesn’t turn to those who believe they are only average. It turns instead to those who are forever searching and striving to become the best they possibly can.

If we seek the average level we cannot hope to achieve a high level of success.
Our only hope is to avoid being a failure” [A. Lou Vickery].

How about you? Are you willing to pursue your dream with confidence or do you fear what people will say if break some of the unwritten rules? (Followers always fear breaking the unwritten rules.)

If you decide to chase down your destiny, I promise that you’ll be criticized and scolded. People will shake their heads and question your sanity.  When you stumble they will gleefully shout, “We told you so!”

If you dare to risk safety for freedom, be prepared for the average person to snicker and ridicule you behind your back.

“But then again, remember he’s only average” [Roy H. Williams].

Whatever you are, be above-average!

Deanna

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Start Running

Do it now! can affect every phase of your life.

It can help you do the things you should do but don’t feel like doing.

It can keep you from procrastinating when an unpleasant duty faces you.

But it can also help you do those things that you want to do.

It helps you seize those precious moments that, if lost, may never be retrieved” [Napoleon Hill].

So, what are you doing with this day?

What about tomorrow?

Or the day after that one?

Victim or Conqueror?

Reactive or Proactive?

Waiting or Advancing?

Now or Later?
(Much later, yes, even later than that, perhaps never.)

Fear or Confidence?

Dread or Anticipation?

We’ve all heard the well-worn saying to “Seize the Day.” We may have even said it to a colleague (or maybe even ourselves) as they head out to confront an especially challenging situation.

Seize. What a powerful word!  It means to take hold of, to take possession of by force or at will, to capture, to take advantage of promptly.

If there was anyone who needed to seize the day it was David — the guy who faced Goliath.  I really like his story: Little guy versus big guy. Quiet determination versus outlandish bravado. Five stones versus the best the military has to offer. Giant versus giant slayer.

There is one part of the encounter that I find particularly inspiring. It provides insight into David’s character and optimism and determination that is often overlooked.

As Goliath came out of camp and moved closer toward David, David ran quickly toward the battle line to meet him. Think about that.

David didn’t run . . . away.  Didn’t cower in the corner. Didn’t call the consultant for advice. Didn’t quit to seek out other  “opportunities.” Didn’t fret and cry or stay in bed.

He ran.

He seized the day. He took control. He captured the opportunity. He took  possession of the situation.

I don’t know what you’re facing today. What giant has you in his scope. Reminding you of your potential failure. Rehearsing your demise. Standing between you and your destiny. Striking fear with his words. Causing you to rethink your possibility.

It doesn’t really matter what your giant looks like or sounds like or what he says or what you call him.  Run toward him. Face the situation head on. Push the envelope. Call his bluff. Act courageous.

Your life is scheduled, you might as well live it.  And if you’re going to live it, you might as well seize it

Carpe Diem! Seize the day. Make your life extraordinary” [Dead Poet’s Society].

Whatever you are, be a good one!

Deanna

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What’s the Moral of Your Story?

Everything’s got a moral, if only you can find it” [Lewis Carroll].

This past summer, my book club attended an author reading at The Thurber House.  The weather was perfect, the picnic dinner was tasty, and the author was gracious and entertaining.  While there, we all spent a little time pursuing the gifts.  One of Thurber’s books caught my sister’s fancy, Fables for Our Time and Famous Poems Illustrated.

As is her custom, Dawn recently finished the book and passed it on to me. The author, in the little volume, with its amusing chapter titles and line drawings, concludes each chapter with a clever moral like “don’t get it right, just get it written,” and “you can fool too many people too much of the time,” and “there’s no safety in numbers, or in anything else.”

Certainly not the typical morals that appear in children’s books.

All this reading about morals started me wondering about the moral of my story. If you were to sit down and read about my exploits and failures, adventures and detours, what fundamental principles would become evident? What practical lessons would you take away?

I think it should be something clever and fun, amusing and easily recalled. It should be practical, but inspire action.  I like this one:

You can’t win if you don’t play. You must stay in it to win it.

What is the moral of your story? What are you teaching others through your life?

If you don’t like the way things are shaping up, it’s time to change your life. Rewrite the ending. Allow others to learn a  lesson from your missteps. Be authentic. Share the good and the bad.

Whatever you are, be a good one!

Deanna

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Thanks for Nothing

If you cannot be thankful for what you receive, be thankful for what you escape [Anon].

An acquaintance of Greg’s shared that his wife had to undergo medical tests.

I would imagine the period of time between the testing and receipt of the results was filled with stressful thoughts, questions of “What if . . ?” and tearful conversations.  When the results were returned, however, they revealed absolutely no abnormality, and a clean bill of health was issued.

Sharing the good news on Facebook, the husband’s relief was evident. Greg’s friend concluded his account with, “Thanks for nothing!”

What a great response!  Nothing was exactly the result they wanted to receive, and he was celebrating!

Typically, we use the phrase, “Thanks for nothing!” in a condescending manner, indicating the other person has failed to deliver in a way we had expected. We’re disappointed or angry that we didn’t get what we thought we rightly deserved.

But this man’s response was quite unexpected. He wasn’t just relieved; he was thankful for nothing.

It started me thinking about all the times we really should be thankful for nothing. When “nothing” is the very best thing we could ever hope to receive:

• No disease, no disasters, no disappointments.
• No illness, no illusions, no calamities.
• No accidents, no setbacks, no misfortunes.
• No mistrust, no uncertainty, no inconsistencies.
• No cutbacks, no downsizing, no worries.

For grief unsuffered, tears unshed,
for clouds that scattered overhead;

For pestilence that came not nigh,
for dangers that passed me by;

For sharp suspicion smoothed, allayed,
for doubt dispelled that made afraid;

For fierce temptation that well withstood,
for evil plot that brought forth good;

For weakened links in friendship’s chain
that, sorely tested, stood the strain;

For harmless blows with malice dealt,
for base ingratitude unfelt;

For hatred’s sharp unuttered word,
for bitter jest unknown, unheard;

For every evil turned away,
unmeasured thanks I give today.

~Anon

What about you? Along with all the blessing that have touched your life, you now have even more for which to be thankful: all those “nothings.”

Whatever you are, be a good one!

Deanna

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Seven Words

God has a plan. Run, Stafon, Run” [Stafon Johnson].

Have you heard the story of the Southern California tailback who suffered a potentially fatal weight room accident when a weight bar crushed his throat?

In an instant last September, Stafon Johnson’s future became doubtful.

The injury tore apart his vocal cords, crushed his trachea, and made it impossible for Johnson to eat or breathe without the assistance of machines. Today, after several surgeries, Johnson is able to breathe on his own and, perhaps his most surprising  accomplishment, is that he has learned to swallow again.

At a news conference over the weekend, the athlete impressed physicians, family members, teammates, and sports fans around the country when he also demonstrated the ability to speak.

In front of news cameras, Johnson shared the last words spoken to him by his late grandfather.

He uttered only seven words.

No louder than a whisper.

But they were powerful.

“God has a plan. Run, Stafon, Run.”

I can’t help but wonder how many evenings, when the sky was dark and discouragement loomed large . . . when the days seemed long and life unfair . . . unable to swallow . . . unable to breathe . . . unable to speak . . . unable to see his future . . .  that Johnson clung to these words.

Johnson’s doctors don’t credit the athlete’s miraculous progress to the surgeries, the impressive hospital system, or the knowledgeable healthcare providers.

Instead, his physician, Dr. Ryan Osborn, and throat specialist Dr. Jason Hamilton are quoted as saying,

“He never put limitations on himself,
and that’s why he’s making great strides.”

“Due to gladiator-type mentality toward his outcome . . .
he has regained the ability to swallow.”

“Will there be any limitations on him?
Those are only going to be set by Stafon.”

In the weeks since the accident, Johnson grabbed onto his courage and fortitude. He rallied his determination, encouraged himself, and was able to breakthrough the limits of convention.

What are you facing today? What limits do you need to demolish? What will it take to encourage yourself to overcome in spite of insurmountable odds?

Maybe, all you need are seven words to keep the momentum alive. To keep you in the game to fight another day.

Stafon’s seven words are:

“God has a plan. Run, Stafon, Run.”

My seven words are:

“She believed she could so she did.”

Maybe your seven words could be:

“My present does not equal my future.”

Whatever you are, be a good one!

Deanna

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