I have come to the realization that, in many cases, what is holding us back from enjoying our lives today or planning for a spectacular tomorrow, are the experiences from our past. Sometimes knowingly, and other times unaware, today’s actions, thoughts, behaviors, and beliefs are heavily influenced by mistakes, unpleasant relationships, unmet expectations, or unfortunate circumstances that occurred yesterday.
In his book, The Present, author Spencer Johnson has this to say regarding the past:
“Don’t be too hard on yourself — you did the best you knew how at the time. However, if you do not learn from mistakes, the present is just like your past.”
Ouch! That sounds very similar to George Santayana‘s quote, “Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it.”
A random thought here: doom is a word that gets little attention in our society. It means fate or destiny, ruin, death, or an unfavorable sentence (dictionary.com). I think I can speak for all of us when I say, “I’m really not all that interested in the mistakes of my past serving as my future destiny.”
I would imagine all of us have times in our past that we would rather not relive in our future: bad breakups, harsh words, missed opportunities, costly choices, embarrassing actions — things that we certainly don’t want to look at and definitely don’t want to revisit. But if we fail to look back and learn, our future will hand us the same tests, over and over and over again until we get it right. Think of Bill Murray in the movie Groundhog Day.
In the light-hearted comedy, Murray’s character, frustrated at having to cover a story about a weather forecasting “rat” (as he calls it) for the fourth year in a row, comes to the realization that he is doomed to spend the rest of eternity in the same place (Come on, who doesn’t love Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania?), seeing the same people, doing the same thing — EVERY DAY. Until one day, he gets it right — he passes the test and moves on.
The way to break the the ties that are holding you back is to begin by looking at what happened yesterday. Yes, I realize it can be uncomfortable. No, you may not be excused from this exercise.
Johnson writes that “when you want to make the present better than the past” you need to do three things:
- Look at what happened in the past.
- Learn something valuable from it.
- Do things differently in the present.
Sounds simple enough. Think of it as three easy steps to a brighter future. Don’t let the inability to look back, hold you back from moving forward and reaching your potential.
As a child, I recall Grandma Mary had the following phrase taped to the side of her refrigerator:
“Good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgment” [unknown].
One day I asked her about it. She said, “Well, as a rule, when people make mistakes, they learn to make better decisions in the future.” Grandma Mary always said, “As a rule.” That’s another phrase you don’t hear much today. We don’t want the rules to apply to us. “Do your own thing. Be unique! If it feels good, do it! Rules? What rules? We don’t need no stinkin’ rules!”
I don’t know about you, but I see many people whose “own thing” includes repeated bad judgment that, for whatever reason, never transforms into good judgment. Their lives consist of one mistake piled on top of another bad decision added to another misstep. Yogi Berra said it best, “This is like deja vu all over again” . . . and again . . . and again.
It’s time to look at the past, learn from our mistakes and break the cycle.
Take a wider view. Look at the patterns in your life.
If there are recurring problems, maybe there are recurring mistakes.
Mistakes don’t always look the same.
Look carefully. Find the pattern.
Change your behavior. Learn.” [Patrick Lindsay].
“Right actions in the future are the best apologies for bad actions in the past” [Tyrone Edwards].
Whatever you are, be a good one!
Deanna